The weight of silence and loneliness

I don't feel so great. These past days I have been waking up alone, having breakfast alone, leaving the house and going to work alone, coming back home alone, cooking and having dinner alone, binge-watching series alone..usually 4 episodes per night just so that the house has some incoming noise and I don't feel the overwhelming weight of silence, then doing the going-to-bed-ritual-alone and falling asleep alone..usually half an hour or 40mn later. 1,80m wide bed just for me...

The first hardest part is that I don't "talk with my someone" anymore during the day or night. About the random stuff we did during the day, how was work, talk about what happened in the news, enjoy cooking together, listening to music together, a new song or band that came up, binge-watching our series, complain on how fat we both are and that we definitely should run more, talk about that video we saw and some crazy stuff that the Portuguese government pulled off this time. I miss this daily random stuff to talk about.

The second hardest part is waking up alone and going to sleep alone.
It's really hard to wake up. We had the tradition of the first person that makes it to the kitchen does the breakfast for the both of us. It was a nice romantic gesture that turned into a daily habit but one that you appreciate. Of course, I was the one waking up first most of the times because you were soooo lazy but I enjoyed it anyway. You did it for me during weekends. It was our thing. It also sucks going to work everyday. Not exactly work itself but the (short) commuting in the morning. It is during this time that my body and mind adjust to the new reality. To know that I must go through another empty day..
It's really really hard to fall asleep alone. To fall asleep with that security I once had of knowing that tomorrow would be a new day with you by my side, new plans, new adventures, good stuff to look forward to, oh look at that it's almost weekend! What shall we do this time? Now I fall asleep knowing that tomorrow I have to endure the loneliness again and there isn't much (right now) to look forward to. It's fucking hard.