The end..or the begining..or the begining of the end..or the end of a another begining

I don't really do "talking"...I'm not one of those people who "talks" about her "feelings"...not frequently nor vocally at least...only when I am dissatisfied and I can't fake it anymore and I do have to. Shit, I don't even have a good or great relationship with my parents, never have, it was never one of those relationships where we talk about stuff, or problems, or issues, fears and hopes. I've noticed that my friends here in this city talk and skype their parents all the time, once a week at least and they have a pretty good relationship with them (or so it seems). I can't remember the last time I skyped mine..I did call my dad on Father's day. That's something. This distant feeling of mine with my immediate family comes mainly from not having a good relationship with my mother (which is another story....raise your hand if you're messed up \o/ o/).

I am not great right now...far from it...we all wish we were but life has a way of sending you some shit truck just around the corner at 100km/h and suddenly shit hits the fan and we are far from great.

I write because I know the drill, my drill...I cry like a Magdalena. When something really hits me I cannot talk about it at the beginning, I simply can't from all the sobbing. I don't even know where this expression comes from. From when Magdalena cried and cried and the feet of Jesus Christ regretting to have sold herself to other men? The regretting part remains to assess.

Writing is much easier for the time being. Everyone keeps saying not to isolate and whatnot. I know everyone is trying but fuck it..I DO NEED to isolate! Whenever I open the window the sun is shining (spring has finally sprung), birds are singing, you see the cutest flowers blooming, trees filled with color...spring is that time of the year when happiness comes again, after being some months hibernating at home, watching 27 different series in Netflix, all the oscar movies, staying at home with the heater on, staying in bed for a few more hours because why would you go out? There is nothing to do in the cold anyways. Well, happiness (in the form of a yearly season) has come, whenever you open the window...puff, happiness slaps you right in the face. Well..but no. I just want to close the window to the outside, literally, figuratively and vocally. That's the drill.