The first day you realise you are going to be OK!

Day 20..something..and it hasn't happened yet..

Not a day has gone by that I haven't cried, sometimes full out crying, sometimes just some tears (enough to still not being able to going back to using my daily make up). Either being in the morning in my solitary breakfast-getting-ready-to-work routine, during some random chat in FB or gmail with someone, during lunch time where I force myself to eat and be distracted, during my commute to german lessons (which are thankfully occupying most of my work nights now), or worse of all, when lying in my king-size bed with 3 pillows..that's still the hardest moment, end of another day, browsing some superficial websites, instagram filled with happy people, looking at the ceiling, trying to fall asleep.

I know this day will come. The day that I'll finally feel I'll be OK, the day I'll start believing and hoping that all of those things I wished for might indeed come true someday. The day you no longer cry, the day you can actually talk to people about it without breaking down and without any voice trembling...the day you can wear make up all day without it being ruined. The day that you know this is in your past and you are going to be OK.

That day hasn't come yet..