The message is very clear, it has been so for a while now. It's one of those things that makes perfect sense when you read it on a beautiful image on Instagram or Facebook. Note to self: spend less time in those soul-crushing places, especially Facebook! It makes perfect sense, you look at it and say suuuure, of course, I totally agree!! But when it comes to you, yeah, that's the thing. We've always been great at giving advice, it's so easy to talk about someone else's issues, how they should deal with it, what they should do, or feel, or act. Looking at stuff from far away is the most wonderful bliss. Enforcing it in your own life...not so much.
Upon becoming 33 I realized what I need to learn. Not what I need in terms on need-need. I have dreams, always had them, always wanted more, the most important "stuff" at least, I still need these things, these dreams to be accomplished, I am trying very hard to let them go but deep down I still hope for them and need them to be complete. But what I realized is that the thing I need the most now in order for my life to be peaceful and without any dramas or breakdowns is to be happy with what I have around me. Again, note to self: stay off Facebook. I get so easily consumed with other people's achievements and amazing lives (accomplishments which I also would like) to the point that I feel like a failure and I crash inside.
It's so hard to value yourself when you are so demanding and you have a long list of disappointments. It's hard to stay afloat when you feel so lonely and out of place, the world is turning at a different speed and you cannot keep up. Everyone's life around you moves on and you, are just letting time pass.
What I need to realize for myself is that I am lucky, I am valuable, I do have a lifestyle that many people would like to have, I am so lucky to be passionate about my job, that I am building a career and I have so much liberty in traveling wherever I want, whenever I want. I don't want to believe on the "whatever you want and deserve will come", that seems like again, putting a lot of expectations on something. The secret to a happy life is low expectations actually.
I do have lots of great things going on, I am thankful for the opportunities I got and I have been very lucky to be able to come to Vienna. It has been a blessing, even if it didn't have the happy ending I was hoping for.
I must be and feel complete with the life around me instead of always feeling incomplete due to the dreams I haven't accomplished so far.
This has been, by far the biggest challenge of 2016, perhaps I can enter 2017 with a different mindset, I hope my heart will be more peaceful soon. I suck at adulting sometimes.
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